Monday, June 30, 2014

My Home Was Falling Apart!

Homemade bread & brownies!
In today's culture, the home is often overlooked. It's "old fashioned" to be a stay at home mom, cook cakes from scratch, quilt, garden, or a lot of other things. We live in the world of "fast" and "convenient" but for me and my family "fast and convenient" wasn't working. It was taring apart our marriage, ruining our kids behavior and hurting us physically. Allow me to explain. [...]
Almost 12 years ago at the age of 18, I married my husband. We built our house, had our wedding shower and off we set to make a marriage work. Ha! That went well for about a year. Then I realized there was going to be more to this marriage thing than I first expected! We fought all the time, maybe all the time is even an understatement, but it was primarily over things "home". I worked, he worked, he wanted home cooking and I didn't want to. After all I worked all the time just like he did. Why did I have to work all day then come home and play "housewife" while he sit in front of the television on his butt watching his shows? I was sure "housewife" was not for me and career woman was. We separated.

My kids stayed with anyone I could find. After all it was always family who watched them, that would  be the best for them, right? Once I had my second son, I started to see this was not working. My oldest son's (who was 4 1/2 at this time) behavior was getting SO bad. Now I see why, there was not a sense of consistency in their expectations and the discipline was come and go, depending on who he stayed with. Now don't get me wrong, all this was my fault. I was the one who didn't want to be "housewife". But my point is, my family suffered.

My husband and I began counseling and after a month, we were back together. But do you know what has made us happier than ever, what has corrected our kids behavior and their sense of self confidence? I have SLOWED DOWN! I reduced my hours to part time and I go to work when my husband comes home, and I don't work a lot. We have had to reduce our unneeded wants and focus on our needs to make this work. I hated it at first but now, I don't see how I was functioning the other way.

Now I make sure the housework is done, sweeping, mopping, vacuuming, changing bed sheets, laundry, cleaning bathrooms, washing dishes, cooking HOME COOKED meals and more. I try to make sure it is clean and tidy before my husband gets home from work. Am I perfect? NO! Are there some days where it still looks like a tornado has hit it? YES! But there are more that are better than worse.

My mindset is what has changed all this. Why? Now I don't see myself as "slave" to my husband but rather I know that he "needs" me. He needs me to take care of him. He needs me to cook for him. He needs a place that he can rest when he comes home from the world. I am so happy that he comes home to ME and not someone else. And God made us where someone has to take care of all things home; and you know it wasn't man. It was woman. Want me to prove it to you? Why do you have a desire to have a clean home? Why do you envy the woman who "has it all together"? Why do you look at home designs, recipes, and other "homely" things? Because you were wired to do it! That is why God created Adam a "helper" (Genesis 2:18) You were made to help you husband! Like it or not, you were. And while it is unhealthy to envy other women, it should make you see that you are desiring to do better.

Now I am not "belittling" women, after all I am one. I am just telling you I tried it the other way and IT DID NOT WORK! Now, that I try to be a helper to my husband, we are best friends. He doesn't take advantage of me like I felt he used to. He sees how hard I work, appreciates it and out of his appreciation, he gets up and helps me. He doesn't do 50 percent or even 80 percent. But he does little things. And since I am not "expecting" him to do anything (because I feel it is my job) I don't get mad for the stuff he does not do. I am grateful for what he does do!

Give it a try. Truth be known I hear of a lot of people who argue over things like laundry, how the house looks, meals, and more "house" things. Listen to your gut, listen to your husbands requests, not because you are "less" than him, but because he chose YOU to marry! Show him that he was right to marry you! ;) And if it is to late for you, or you haven't yet married, start practicing now. Homemaking truly is an ART. It's not easy or everyone would be doing it.

Homemaking is important to me now. That is why on Monday's you can come back here to see what has been going on at my home for the last week and you can read others home reports by clicking the picture below. I hope you start to cherish your home too!

Strangers and Pilgrims on Earth

4 comments:

  1. I am having such a struggle with anything to do with keeping my house. It's a disaster. I don't have time to cook meals and we are spending too much money eating out. Hopefully you will post some tips about how to do this if you aren't able to cut down to part time or for single mothers.

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    1. Let me start by saying, I have the uttermost respect for single mothers! I can't imagine doing it all alone. I will share little tricks I have discovered over the years that have made it easy for me. Hopefully it will help you too. :)

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  2. That is so wonderful that you were able to appreciate the role that God has given you and re-invest in your marriage! What you said was true, "I don't get mad for the stuff he does not do. I am grateful for what he does do!"... There is a lot less stress when we come to that conclusion... I pray that your love of home-making grows each day and your husband feels the blessing of you being his help-meet!

    "Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her." ~ Proverbs 31:28

    And thank you for joining us on the Art of Home-Making Mondays :) and sharing the message...

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  3. Thank you JES. I hope I can help to mentor younger women into figuring this out earlier in their lives! ;)

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